I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
