How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
