You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
