That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
