Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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