First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she peed on how many people?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
