So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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