dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
