Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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