I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
