Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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