I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
