I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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