Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
