Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
