no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
