No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
