I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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