I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize