just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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