I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
