I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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