Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
