I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
