I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize