Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I deserve this hangover.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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