you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
