I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
