just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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