STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize