At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
