I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
