Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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