OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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