In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
