Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
