I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
