did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
