You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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