you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
