ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
