They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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