do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
