false alarm. still invincible.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
