Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
