dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
