Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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