Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
