I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
