I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
