i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
