you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
grandma shit on top of the toilet
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
