Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
