Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
