Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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