weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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