K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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