How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
