It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
