Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
