I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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