I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
