Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Mom said you looked used
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
