His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
