god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
