i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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