I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
