Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
