You're a womanizer and a bitch.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
