he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
