At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
