i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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