i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
