If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
